It’s my birthday in one month and one question I can’t seem to escape anymore is, “When are you going to marry?”. Granted when my father was my age I was in the second grade and he was married. Is the comparison warranted though?
Old folks seem to have a fascination with babies and toddlers. Now I’m getting my age rounded up to 30, even though I still have a little over a year till I get there. One thing I promised myself is to not be a deadbeat dad, which is why I’m working overtime to make something of my life so that I will be able top support my future wife and kids.
People need to quit talking like they are going to help pay the dowry though.
Not trying to make excuses but where I’m at in my life and where my dad was at are two different places. I’m already torn between staying in the country with its inconducive economy and skipping the country altogether. I’m sure the old man didn’t have to deal with that.
Then again, I have been told that wanting to fully prepare could just be procrastination.
When the right is to marry I believe that you will know it. The timing is different for people. For some it takes decades, some a few years, some months and in special arranged wedding cases, weeks.
You do not marry for anyone else other than yourself.
In case you were wondering I am NOT single. I have been sharing my existence for the better part of three years with my significant other, KiKi. Marriage is in the pipeline but certain things have to be put in order in our soap opera-esque relationship. Hopefully one day she’ll let me write a book about us.
Like the title of the Kenyan play by Ngũgĩ wa Thiong’o and Ngugi wa Mirii, I Will Marry When I Want! I’m a self-diagnosed perfectionist and for marriage to happen certain boxes have to be ticked. Marriage is a sacred covenant that should not be taken lightly. It is different from friendship where you can just wake up deciding that you can no longer be friends with so and so.
For an African man marriage has to be the highest hurdle one can jump as the dowry and wedding expenses (yes these female counterparts of ours WANT weddings) are all on you.
This is a direct contrast from the Western culture where the only form of dowry seems to be the wedding ring(s) and the bride’s family takes care of the wedding expenses.