I missed out on a couple of my son’s firsts…
Having finished my maternity leave, I had to go back to work. Not only that I had to start on my degree program that May. My heart was torn.
Here I was a lone parent with a 4 month old baby… going to work then school in the evening only to return home at almost 9pm. I’d have my son for about an hour early in the morning. Weekends I had school all day. Add on assignments, group discussions, etc. I can say those were the worst years for me in terms of motherhood.
The bond between my mum and my son grew stronger. And there was a time I grew distant from my boy. Each time he’d cry in my arms I got into a panic and my mum would just soothe him easily. That hurt. I wasn’t there when he took his first step. That hurt.
The only way I got through it all was to remind myself I had to do all this for his sake. My mother bless her heart was there for me and him. She took on that mantle of being a mother in my absence. For that both of us will be eternally grateful.
Now there are some things I choose to forgo because I have to make up for that time I missed out on. I rebuilt that bond with my human. Sometimes I overdo it. I have my reasons. So when you hear me saying no I can’t do this I’ll be with my son understand that. I have double duty to perform and I have lost time to make up for.