Today is the day that I remember the passing on of my mother. It has been 12 years now but it feels like yesterday. This got me thinking. How long does it take to get over a loved one’s death?
What is love?
This is a question many have asked, with some finding answers and some with none to give them the answers. In my terms I would say that love is that special bond that is created between two people and becomes infinite as it grows. I won’t bore you with the details about the types of love, you can do the research in your own time.
My mother and I did not always get along especially in my teen years, which occurred after my father’s passing. I guess that was because, as a woman raising a man, some of the stuff I went through she could not relate. Like all parents you never stop loving your child even when they are rebellious. That is true love, that is unchanging regardless of circumstance.
…but HOW LONG THOUGH?
Losing someone you death to death is not really something that you get over but rather something that you learn to cope with. No matter what, that void remains there. Some try to drown it in booze and drugs but it always seems to come back. Certain things become triggers (i.e. their favourite song, activities you used to share, that birthday reminder saved in your phone).
Don’t go it alone
Loss tends to make people seclude themselves from their surviving loved ones. This is not a good idea. This is the time we need other people the most, lest we spiral into lethal depression. Find someone to vent to, to “get it off your chest”. Thoughts of what should have or what could have only serve to deepen our regret, not to give us comfort.
Hmmm… now this one takes a bit of homework. Find a regular activity to commemorate your loved one or open a foundation or trust in their name. This is a celebration of their life, rather than remaining focused on their demise.
Accept that grieving has no timeframe
There is no human timeframe to the period of grieving. Each person has their own period, not defined by chronological constraints. Be around people that understand what you are going through. The most dangerous environment is being around people who do not understand your mental state.
I wrote this article for myself, more than anybody else and if it assists you, I’m grateful.