Allow me to talk about an issue that seems to be plaguing our male counterparts on the other side of the world (America) about consent. Do I have your consent? Consent is a far reaching thing which ends up tying into rape, sexual assault and so forth. This article is meant to spark a discussion and if you have more to say please hit me up.
Which is which?
I had the opportunity of having the consent discussion with a woman who seemed to share the same view as me. There is a theory that a woman’s no means 3 things; no, maybe or yes! Apparently it’s a man’s job to decipher which of the three she means. There’s only one problem, most men don’t think the same way as most women. Women are known to be emotional thinkers while men are logical thinkers. Things go dark from there… (no prize for noticing how many times I said things in there).
For the Culture?
I for one, am a direct person, I will take your no at face value and won’t bother trying to deduce if it’s one of the other two. Some believe they can turn a no into a yes, which usually leads to rape and the sexual assault I mentioned earlier. Let’s take proposing love for example, somewhere along the line, especially in the African context women were told to play hard to get so that they won’t be deemed as women of loose morals (who say yes to everything). Men were also taught persistence, which meant getting what they wanted at any cost. I know someone whose current wife rejected his proposal at first, but that’s a story for another day. I think life’s too short to not be direct. If I’m direct enough to tell you how I feel straight up be straight up with me too. Don’t be “dancing around my TL” expecting me to get the hint..
Let me make reference to Waiting in Vain girl (real-life examples yes?) she got pressured into disguising her yes as a no. Somehow in the back of her mind she assumed I’d be persistent (or whoever was influencing her) but like I said, I take nos at face value. So deuces that was the end of that. Imagine if I had kept on persisting (which could end up as more time-wasting or eventually getting the girl) I would be complicit to this culture of ambiguous nos and there definitely would be more ambiguous nos for me ahead, stressful stuff really (who needs that?).
Something else that needs to be talked about is the issue of one night stands (which seems to get a lot of men in trouble). So you meet at your favourite night spot, you’re feeling her, she’s feeling you so all systems are go, right? This is the part were things get tricky (and sometimes sticky). If she is drunk she can NOT legally consent to anything so if you do do the deed this is classified as RAPE. I’ll give you a moment…
Tricky times we’re living in, eh? There’s also something called marital rape, just when you thought being married was enough consent. If your spouse ain’t up for it, no pun intended, it’s RAPE!
What is Rape?
Rape is defined as the act of sticking your body part into someone’s vagina (for females), rectum (this could go both ways) or mouth without their explicit consent.
I am not sure if attempted rape is a thing (I know…) but threatening to have sex with your significant other when she’s not ready (then again how significant is she if you’re threatening her?) has to be a violation of some sort, right? As long as gentlemen do not denounce such behaviour it will continue to be a problem.
And this consent thing?
Consent is an on-going process and one could change their mind at any point in time…
So now what?
Do what works for you but I choose the simple route. Take a no at face value. If you’re about the ambiguous life be prepared to deal with the consequences.This article is not exhaustive. Google is your friend if you want to research more I just thought I’d put the issue out there.